Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Stephen’s Bachelorette recap week 2

Here’s my Week 2 Bachelorette recap:

Desiree dated some guys, then sent some home.

See you next week!




If I must go on . . .

Over the course of the show, I began to postulate about how I would run the show if I were the Bachelor. Of course, I’m going to completely suspend my disbelief and ignore all of the underlying producers’ influences: what happens on TV is real-life. At least for my potential turn as the Bachelor (or as a contestant, come to think of it).

The first thing I’d do as the Bachelor would be to suggest ABC begin a spin-off prequel “Bachelor Idol” show. Chris Harrison, some random producer, and one of my childhood/college best friends would sit in a room, the potentials would file in one by one, and the panel of judges would grant whether or not they would get to go to Hollywood.  This would alleviate the need for introductions in the first episode, as well as take away any frustration viewers have for getting roughly only 30% of the contestants’ bios. Especially when some bios only last one or two episodes—thinking here of Nick R, Mike (the dental student, not the prosecutor, or the plumber), Robert, and Will—that messes with my bachelorette office bracket.

The second thing I’d do would be to eliminate the tweet update mini-feed in the lower-left-hand corner of the screen. This is completely distracting. It also turns the show into a parody of itself. Now, if ABC TRULY wants constant online connectivity with the show, they should upload all of the video they didn’t use to a YouTube channel. Like a “Truman Show” version of the Bachelor.

The third thing I’d do would definitely be to endorse a tongue-in-cheek self-parodying music video on a group date. This was a brilliant idea. Watch the footage—almost all of the guys are involved, and most seem like they’re having an awesome time. I would, however, spring for a more notable rapping celebrity. And I’d make sure everyone wore pants. I think they’d all be more comfortable.

The final, and most important, thing I’d do would be to schedule time slots for each contestant during the cocktail party. Imagine: there would be a printed out schedule for each potential person, letting him know when his time with the Bachelorette would be, and exactly how long he would have. Brilliant! Gone would be the in-fighting, the excessive drinking, and the “I’ma goin let you finish” moments of cutting in (I’m thinking of Mikey (plumber this time) and Ben on this one).

No. Scratch that. The single most important thing I could EVER do as the Bachelor, would be requiring all contestants to watch re-runs of the show (I would have it looped through all of the TVs in the mansion).

I can’t tell you have many times tonight I thought to myself, "Don’t you guys even WATCH the show?” (Sam Rockwell in “Galaxy Quest.” Love that movie.)

Moments where the guys would’ve benefitted from watched the show:

1. Anytime someone says “I’m only in it for Des,” or “I don’t care what the other guys think of me” (cough Ben cough). Sets you up as a loner, an outsider, and as a combatant. ESPECIALLY when you’re on the Bachelorette. One of the great things about the Bachelorette is the camaraderie of the guys in the house. Don’t misuse the bro-code. Again, talking to you Ben.

2. Calling out someone for breaking said bro-code. This is made-for-TV-TV. But here’s the problem: I hate watching grown men fight like they’re middle-school cheerleaders. And it’s dumb. Especially on episode 2. Go watch the show.

3. Gently holding a girl’s face when you kiss her is awesome. Grabbing her chin so she can’t turn away is a red flag. My tenth grade history teacher, Mr. Morgan, once called the outcome to an early season of the Bachelor based on a less-than-intimate pat on the back. (Don’t pat a girl on the back if you want to date her. Thanks Mr. Morgan.) Go watch the show.

(I feel bad harping on Ben here, but I can only use what the show gives me . . . )

Now, on the other hand, If I were a contestant, I would pull a Jim Halpert as many times as possible: I’d acknowledge the camera(s). If I’m going to make my move and kiss someone, I’m going to make sure it’s cool with the other seventeen people in the room. THEN I’ll kiss her. Just saying. It’s only polite. (I’d like to think this is what Bryden was doing in the hot-tub.)

I’d also make references to past contestants. Case in point: when Brooks was putting the dance moves on Des, I stood and shouted “YOU STOLE THAT FROM DR. LARRY!!!” I mean, props, Brooks. Larry wasn’t there to do it himself. But you know we were all thinking it.

Speaking of Halpert, if I ever got a one on one date, I would return and propagate SLEWS of misinformation to the other guys. (Anyone remember the advice Jim gave Andy regarding Pam’s likes/dislikes? The Ainbow-Ray Onnection-Cay? Classic.) Nothing harmful, of course, but enough to keep them on their toes.

[I do need to mention the one-on-one dates for a moment, as I need to give props to Brooks for wearing a parachute while on the Hollywood sign. There is some serious altitude there—I would have demanded one. I was disappointed when they didn’t use it.

I also want to give kudos to Bryden and Desiree for the picnic they shared. Picnics are time-honored traditions in the courting ritual, and this one looked like a sweet, carefree time.]

To sum up:

Desiree dated some guys, then sent some home.

See you next week!


Rachel: Of the top three that I chose last week: Robert is gone (so sad we didn’t even get to know him!)

Ben is being portrayed in a bad light. I hope he redeems himself. I also hope that it’s someone else’s supposed girlfriend who shows up next week—they never actually showed his face in that part of the preview.

That leaves Drew: Doesn’t he look so nice and happy?

And if I had to choose another frontrunner, it would be Bryden. :)

Did you catch Stephen’s top 10 list from last week?




  1. yes i am glad you think that tweets on the bottom of the show are so distracting and annoying especially when people are like brooks is the one for her and i am no he isn't his hair is stupid and i dont think they have a good connection at all. bryden is sooo my top frontrunner too, how adorable was it when she asked if he liked brie cheese and he said i don't know what that is!

  2. I totally agree about putting the never before seen footage on a youtube channel. That's a great idea. Some of the tweets are actually pretty funny, but most of the time, they're just dumb.

    A lot of these men are such cry babies...you're not here to make friends people! You're here to win a person over. It's just kind of annoying how they're fighting about the dumbest things.

    Ben is a douche. I don't like him. But, I think he's an actor to bring more drama to the show. Everything that comes out of his mouth sounds scripted.

  3. Yeah, I didn't think anything groundbreaking came from this episode but still fun to watch. Ben seems super sketchy and a little too confident. On the other hand, it was pretty lame how the other guys reacted to him! Hello?! Grow up and act your age.

    Bryden is awesome. I loved their date and it was so sweet how they just had a simple day together. Looks like she enjoys his company. Now if we can just find out who has the Girlfriend!

  4. Haha! I love your Bachelorette commentary. Yes to the Jim Halpert looking at the camera. That would make the show so much better!!

  5. haha I love this. Great recap and comments! Why don't they roll more "Truman Show" footage?! Hmmm... good idea!

  6. Love your recap! I was thinking about you guys when they kept saying here for the right reasons LOL. If Jim Halpert were a contestant no one would stand a chance! :)


Thank you so much for your comments! I enjoy reading each one!


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