must get out.

here is me last Wednesday!  as much as there is a definite bump, I've been told on the street, "You can't even tell!"  and the kids that I teach don't notice.  (which is incredible, because this baby is supposedly 7 inches long, and nearing 1 pound!)

We were just listening to an old Maroon5 song called "Must Get Out" that I used to listen to in high school.  One line of the chorus is, "This city's made us crazy, and we must get out."  As I was mouthing the words, Steve says to me, "Is this your theme song?"  Today, at 34 degrees with a mix of snow and rain, I answered "Yes!"  Aside from our actual apartment, I feel no strings pulling me to stay here.  No one is going to cry when we leave.  I will be sad to say goodbye to these four walls that we've made our home for the past two years.  Steve and I have spent so much time together in this apartment!  But I know that our next place is going to become even more special, as it's where we'll bring home our first baby. 

I am excited for Easter: to celebrate Jesus' resurrection, relax with my mom, get my hair cut for the first time since last July, hear Steve sing in church, play with my 9-month-old niece Natalie whom I haven't seen since Christmas, make layered Jello, and unofficially start looking for a new home, in a new town.

week nineteen

This morning, it is finally sunny outside, with a high of 57!  After a week of 30-some degrees again, I am craving some nicer weather so that I can go out and walk comfortably.  We even had snow flurries more than once this week!  When Steve gets home from his Saturday morning class, we'll head to my mom's house for the day (a 2.5 hour trip).  We are going to an all-church birthday party this evening, for all the months of the year.  Both of our moms are praying that more than 5-10 people show up after all of the work they put into it.  My mom writes the Facebook updates for our church daily, and I think that is a great form of advertising, so we'll see what happens.

Steve and I are noticing that I'm growing a bit more this week.  I can still hide my stomach, but if I put on a tight shirt, it definitely looks like I've gained the 8 pounds all in my middle.  I am slowly on the lookout for a new-ish maternity wardrobe, although I still think it'll be a while before I outgrow everything I own.  Baby continues to kick quite a bit, including right now.  On the days that I work, baby doesn't seem to move at all.  I think all of the kids must sound really scary, or my stress level gets high and the baby gets nervous or something.  Last night we got another delicious pizza (I finally found a good pizza place here at the end of our time in this city), and a little while after I ate it, the baby was really dancing in there!

I am trying to be the best version of myself, to really knock out all of the negative feelings that I have, and to watch my words before I say them, but at least once a day, I still embarrass myself or get disappointed in how I have managed my time and my energy.  I am such a work in progress!  And as much as I would like to rewind 2 years back to college and change some things, or rewind 6 years back to high school and make some different decisions, I think that is life.  In 2 years, I'll probably want to redo what I am doing now.  Right now I just have to do the best that I can. :)

Steve just texted me to say that he is the "Outstanding Grad Student" in the English department this year!  Yay!

week seventeen

I just bought this beauty this afternoon.  I was debating what new hobby I should start, and I knew it had to be some kind of art or craft.  I've always wanted a sewing machine.  My mom's was never in operation while growing up, and all I really sewed were tiny pillows by hand.  So this "Singer Stylist" is a luxury that I splurged on, in hopes that I will create really cool things.

This week was a milestone week in my pregnancy because since Tuesday, I can feel the baby moving!  I am still stunned that on Monday, I couldn't feel a thing.  Then all of a sudden on Tuesday, I felt every flutter, kick, and punch!  It is so reassuring to feel those little movements because it is a consistent daily reminder that the baby is okay :)  I didn't expect to feel him/her quite so soon, as I'm still not very big, and it can happen anywhere from 15-26 weeks.  I am so glad I can now!  It is amazing to feel spontaneous movement coming from inside, from some tiny little legs or arms.

Steve has been limping around yesterday and today with an injured foot.  He isn't sure if something is broken, sprained, or if he has an infection, but he really can't walk.  So I've been worried.  (I worry much more than he does about anything).  If it's not one thing, it's another, right?

and to finish: a little bio of Ivy puppy, who brings us so much laughter.
favorite people food: popcorn and goldfish crackers.
favorite activities: going for long walks, running as fast as she can in giant circles, waiting in the driver's seat for us to return to the car from a store, playing ball, watching out the window for us to come home, and chewing Nylabone.
best quality: unconditional love.
most anticipated event: becoming a big sister.
favorite color: green, of course.

week sixteen!

I subbed three days for an 8th grade language arts teacher.  The 8th graders were very easy and self-sufficient.  I taught 6th and 7th grade grammar as well.  The most difficult part about subbing is that I feel like a stranger in the room.  I was sooo tired by Wednesday afternoon.  But I guess the kids liked me, as I had two students attempt to add me on Facebook.  :)

On Wednesday night, we went to Texas Roadhouse with one of Steve's coworkers and her husband, who have been married since October.  They are a lot of fun to be around, and they are in a similar stage as us:  they're preparing to move to Boston at the end of the summer so she can start law school.  On Friday night, we went out with another couple and their 3-year-old girl and 8-month-old baby girl.  After dinner together, they invited us back to their townhome for coffee and a game.  Steve and I left their place saying to each other, "Why are we finding these good friends right before we are moving away?"

The dinner that we had on Friday night was a Lenten fish fry at one of the Catholic churches.  This is my year as a pretend Catholic, I suppose.  I have been to my first Catholic wedding, three masses, I sub exclusively at a Catholic school, and now I am attending Friday night fish dinners.  Haha.

For St. Patrick's Day, I made a green cake with green Cool Whip mint frosting (that tasted like a shamrock shake) and a layer of fudge topping in-between.  It was really delicious.  However, this week my weight spiked a little bit more than I wished, so I am learning to be more cautious.  At the beginning of the pregnancy, I was really picky with what food I wanted.  And I was lenient with myself because I knew my appetite would eventually return and I could eat healthier fare.  But now, I'm realizing I need to step up my game a little and start forcing some vegetables and whole grains down.  Yesterday I gave up fries and bacon as well, as they've become a slight problem.  ((Side note about bacon, we made a couple trips to Subway this week for BLTs, and I found out that Friday night, our Subway (in a good neighborhood nearby) was robbed at gunpoint.  This just adds to my paranoia about how unsafe this town has been.))

I am trying to teach myself how to sleep on only my left side or my right side, because back and stomach are now bad for the baby.  This week, I can feel where he/she is, and I hope one of these days, I'll be able to see the bump!  We have our monthly appointment tomorrow afternoon, so that's exciting :)

 

(my St Patrick's Day cake)

chicago, preschool, vitamins, and charlie's angels

Our trip to Chicago was so well worth it.  We were able to see everyone that I had the goal to reconnect with, even though two days went by speedily.  My friendships were really solidified.  And now I can go on feeling more confident that these relationships will withstand time and distance.  One thing Steve and I really enjoyed was spending time with two young, Christian, married couples who understand us and relate to us so well.  It was refreshing.  And it was fun to see three of our friends as parents, knowing we'll be joining that club soon.

Today, I subbed in 2 year-old preschool.  I wasn't quite willing to go this young (I had done 3 & 4 year-olds reluctantly already).  But I was asked, so I'll try anything once.  I somehow managed to make it the whole time without having to change a diaper.  But I won't be that lucky on Friday, when they asked me back.  The best part of today was a little boy named Ryan, who bonded with me when I sat down to play cars with him.  I was flattered because even though he was a boy's boy, he wanted to stay by my side for the rest of the day, holding my hand and sitting on my lap at times.  He called me his friend and got jealous if other kids tried to sit on my lap or steal my attention.  So this adorable Ryan, and many of the other boys in these preschool and kindergarten classes that have really liked me, reassure me that if this baby inside is a boy, I will be so thrilled.  This is surprising, because for a long time I didn't know what I would do with a boy, having grown up without males in my house.  There's a quote on one of the ending episodes of "Friends" where Monica says to her baby boy, "I am going to love you so much, no girl is ever going to be good enough for you."  I feel this way.

I just got home from CVS, where I purchased 8 boxes of prenatal vitamins.  They only last 30 days, so these will carry me through the pregnancy.  They were $7 (about half off), instead of the $16 One-A-Day name brand.  I feel like I got such a steal!  I hope the baby is enjoying my Cool-Whip & Jello love right now.  I made pistachio Jello salad and a berry Jello/Oreo pie yesterday which have been extra delicious to me.

On to watch some Tuesday night TV, and maybe an episode of Charlie's Angels when Steve gets home from night class.  We are almost done with watching the original first season from 1976--I love it.  Farrah's hair, their cars, their clothes, female crime-solving: fantastic.

hometown visit

Today, despite the rain and fog and possible snow, Steve and I are making a "spring" break for it: to Chicago!  Tonight we'll stay with my aunt in Indiana and dine on Chinese food with my grandpa, stepgrandma, my mom's two sisters, and my uncle.  Tomorrow morning, we'll drive into the city and start finding friends to catch up with. :)  I haven't been to Chicago in almost two years (since graduation), which is the longest I've ever been away from my home city.  I often dwell on how time and distance have changed my relationships with so many friends.  So it's time to go back for two days, have fun, restore friendships, and eat a lot of my favorite pizza.   Mmm!

new blog

I've been following a few blogs for months now, maybe even a year.  Every so often I draft my own post, then I go back and delete it.  This is why I don't journal actually.  I can remember trying to start journals: writing a page, feeling satisfied, maybe writing another page.  Then I'd go back to it, hate my handwriting or hate the way I sounded, then I'd tear it up.  So here is a promise that I'm not going to press the delete button on my blog.  This is it.

I suppose the biggest reason why I am ready to blog for real this time: I have a topic to write about!  As of today, I am 13 weeks pregnant, which means I'm officially graduating to my second trimester!!  This is really good news, as the first trimester is probably the least exciting of the three.  I am not showing yet, and have not gained any weight (which is good!), but I am ready for people to tell just by looking at me that this baby is on its way!  I am excited to start feeling the baby move inside.  When we saw the sonogram on February 8th, we could see his/her little arms and legs flapping, and I can't wait to feel the movement! I still can't believe that this is working, that I am capable of growing a baby!

We heard the heartbeat for the first time on Monday.  We went in to officially meet the doctor, who is really really nice and had a smile on his face the whole time.  I am disappointed actually that I won't deliver the baby with him.  (I'll mention why later).  Then he put the doppler on me to search for the heartbeat.  When at first we didn't hear anything, I got nervous.  But he moved it even lower (I didn't know babies were that low!) and we heard a fast, loud beat that Steve says sounded like bongos.  How cool!  Right now my only major symptoms of pregnancy are that I require extra sleep and extra food.

Steve has applied to 11 PhD programs, and so far has been accepted to one, and denied from one.  Everyday we anxiously await the mail in case something from one of the schools comes.  At this point, in the fall when baby arrives (around August 31st, my birthday), we could live in Nebraska, Illinois, Indiana, Tennessee, North Carolina, Virginia, or in a different town still in Pennsylvania.  I could let myself get really nervous about this, but at this point, I'm trusting God that it's going to be an adventure, and he will put us in the perfect spot.  I have been ready to move for a long time.  We've been living here for 19 months without many friends, without a church home, without a steady job for me, in cold weather, in an apartment where we don't know our neighbors.  So basically any of the places we could move sound dreamy to me :)  In May or early June, when I'm 6 months pregnant, we'll pack up this cute little home, toss Ivy puppy in the car, and see where life takes us...