Life at the Zimm House

 

 It's Friday again, and we are ready for the weekend! The boys have been sick the last couple of days, which means I have barely left the house. Hopefully they are much better today (though Steve and I are feeling some scratchy throats right now).

On Instagram, Astleigh and I have been doing a weekly photo challenge. This week's topic is #coffeedate. Take a photo and share it with us! Just tag our names and #thedarlingdetails, and we will choose one photo to post on our feeds later today :)

 

The four of us went on a walk the other night, and if you looked really closely, you could see signs of spring! There are tiny little buds on the bushes, and there are several tulips in the backyard!

 

 

Blurry, but his expression was so cute!

I made Nolan this math game on Monday. He used gold (pennies) to solve the addition (+2) problems. You could do this with subtraction, or even really easy multiplication as well!

I love how Hammie is tucked into his arm here :)

 Notice that terrible brown paneled wall behind him? #nextonthehouseprojectlist

It's a great milestone when two-year-olds can finally play with Play-Doh without trying to eat it or throw it to the dog! It keeps them busy for a good amount of time. Also, I can't believe how much he looks like Steve here! When those chubby cheeks fade (hopefully not soon), I think he might have Steve's handsome long jawline!

The sweetest smile!!

Doodling an Irish blessing on Wednesday afternoon :)

This boxwood wreath (from Target) has been one of my very favorite home purchases ever. It makes me happy to have green inside our house all year long.

 

Yesterday, I posted all about our green St. Patrick's Day breakfast! We love making memories with our little guys.

And yesterday afternoon, I attempted to finger-paint rainbows with the boys. Nolan didn't want to use his fingers, he wanted a paintbrush. And Ephraim just wanted to mix and smear paint everywhere :)

 

You can see part of Nolan's rainbow above, and then he wanted me to help him make a pink heart :)

 

Quite the artist!

We don't have many plans for this weekend, but our time always flies by. I'm excited for Palm Sunday and seeing the boys wave their palm branches!

Have you found us on Instagram? @rachel.zimm 

Have a great weekend!

St. Patrick's Day Breakfast

I love making traditions for our little family. We're not Irish, but St. Patrick's Day is one of those fun opportunities to do something special on an otherwise ordinary March day. I can still remember being Nolan's age and being so surprised to find green milk in our milk cartons at preschool. Green food apparently makes a memory!

We did a simple breakfast:

Green chocolate chip pancakes, made by Steve

Big bowls of Lucky Charms
GoGo applesauce
Milk
JuicyJuice apple juice boxes
and Rolos because of their perfect gold wrappers!

Both boys have slight fevers and bad colds, so their faces are a little tired. Ephraim has a tear running down his cheek because heaven forbid I try to wipe his nose ;)

They loved our green breakfast! :)

And a little Irish blessing for you!

Do you have any St. Patrick's Day traditions?

Thank you.

I want to start by saying that Steve and I are floored by the outpouring of love that we've felt since yesterday's post. THANK YOU so much for your words, prayers, and support. They mean so much to us. I am especially touched by the stories I've heard about other babies who were so loved and were lost too soon. This isn't something that anyone should have to keep silent about, or go through alone. And again, I believe that God walks with us through the sadness, and He will redeem these baby stories.

Our week has been pretty low-key. It was actually Steve's "Spring Break", but he's been working hard on grading and handyman jobs. We've had a few days of the most gorgeous March weather--temps in the high 60s and beautiful sunshine. I've even spotted some daffodils and tulips coming up in our yard!

Last Saturday, Steve had created a lot of dust in our kitchen, and we didn't feel like cleaning it up and then cooking. So we had a Wendy's family date night :)

Sea salt fries and Wendy's strawberry lemonade--a perfect combination!

The boys LOVE playing in the sink and "doing the dishes". I forgot how long it can keep their attention!

 

A sweet moment when I caught them reading a book together at church.

The Downton finale was so bittersweet! It was such a good episode, but we are sad to see it end! So many good memories of cuddling up on Sunday nights to watch the amazing Crawley family.

My Thin Mints were delivered this week, and it was the best coffee break of the year :)

 

 Nolan turned 4 and a half on Wednesday! We celebrated with half a cake, and he got really excited about it :)

 Playing Chuggington trains and not fighting-- YAY!

Can we keep him at 4 and a half forever? He tells me that he loves me 100 times a day, and I know that won't always last.

Easter egg donuts! I'm hoping to get my Easter decor out this weekend, and I probably need to do some Easter basket shopping before the stores sell out of the good candy :)

Ephraim was sick last night, so I'm hoping that the rest of us don't catch it this weekend. He is acting fine this morning, so hopefully a little rest this afternoon will be all his needs. :)

Have a great weekend, friends!

Miscarriage, the post I never wanted to write.

On Valentine's Day, Steve and I found out that we were expecting our third sweet baby. We had been trying for six months, and the positive pregnancy test felt like the prize at the end of the race. We held onto our precious secret, and we started to dream and envision our lives with a new baby in October.

With each pregnancy, we've been aware of the possibility of miscarriage. We've waited on the edge of our seats for that first ultrasound--to see that there indeed is a healthy baby in there with a steady heartbeat. This time was no different, yet after two near-perfect pregnancies, we didn't have much reason to doubt that this one would be fine, too.

But on Sunday evening the 28th, I started bleeding, and by early Monday morning, I knew that our precious little baby wasn't going to make it. I felt like the rug was pulled out from under me. All of the joy that I had experienced in the past couple of weeks was gone in just a matter of a few moments. And in its place was a grief like I'd never felt before.

On Tuesday afternoon (March 1st), as I held the tiniest baby in the palm of my hand, I felt a sense of peace to be able to see him and know that he had been real. He was only about an inch long, but he was undeniably a baby, and we marveled at God's design of him. (Obviously, we didn't know he was a boy, but it's easier for me to think so.)

And then came all of the questions. . . Was it something I did? Was I too stressed? Did I drink too much coffee? Did the baby have the wrong mix of chromosomes? Could I have prevented this? What if this happens again?  And somehow I have to let all of those questions go because I will never get the explanation that I am looking for.

I cry when I think about how I would be 8 weeks along right now if he had lived. And I ache when I think that the tiny baby who is supposed to be inside of me is deep in the ground instead. 

Every day gets a little easier, and I credit that to the special people who have been praying for us in the last week. I am lucky to have two little boys who distract me and keep me from dwelling on my sadness. And I am extra blessed to have a husband who makes me laugh, and who holds me while we watch comedies on TV at night to keep our minds off of it.

A few years ago, my Uncle John, a pastor in Omaha told me, "Shit happens. And then God goes to work to redeem it."

I believe that. God didn't want this to happen to our little baby. What breaks my heart also breaks His heart. Steve and I can't see the future right now. He has big, GOOD plans for us. He will redeem this. And someday, we will look back and see His hand at work. We will see that He was with us in our sadness. And He will be with us in our joy. I have hope that this is not the end of our baby story.

One of the songs that I've been listening to is Jars of Clay's "The Valley Song":

"When death, like a gypsy, comes to steal what I love,

I will still look to the heavens. I will still seek Your face.

But I fear You aren't listening because there are no words,

Just the stillness and the hunger for a faith that assures.

I will sing of Your mercy that leads me through valleys of sorrow

to rivers of joy. . .

Though the pain is an ocean tossing us around, around, around,

You have calmed greater waters,

Higher mountains have come down." 

Friday Thoughts

Well, you guys, I apologize that I haven't been posting more than once or twice a week. . . I feel like it's my winter hiatus. Hopefully once it's spring, I can get inspired, and get back at it again! :)

Also, I always try and keep my Friday recap posts fun and positive, but this week was really hard. I won't go into detail today, but I've found myself in one of those valleys of life.

In one of Steve's old boxes of college stuff, he found two High School Musical singing birthday cards from girls at camp in the summer of 2007. (He has been told, many times, that he looks like "that guy" from the movie.) Nolan and Ephraim have loved opening them over and over again to "We're Breaking Free!" At this point, Nolan was certain that Ivy was enjoying the music. She got up in about 3 seconds. :)

I've been doing a lot of cleaning and organizing using this as my mantra! It feels so good to de-clutter and simplify.

Pool sharks at Grandma and Grandpa's house.

Last weekend, Steve went to "Man Camp" in New York and had a lot of fun with guys from church! His dad and brother Dave went as well, so it was good for them to have some time together.

Astleigh's and my #thedarlingdetails Instagram challenge this week is #mynook. Share your cozy nook today on Instagram (tag us and use the hashtag) and we'll pick one to repost on our feeds!

I woke up next to this sweetheart a couple of mornings this week. Sometimes he cries early in the morning, but he's my good sleeper, so he's not ready to be awake yet. He crashes the second I set him down in between Steve and me :)

I saw a few really cute signs yesterday at TJ Maxx. Unfortunately, I have to keep a tight rein on my credit card at this particular store of temptations, so I took a photo instead of buying :)

In honor of Dr. Seuss's birthday week, I introduced Nolan to some Seuss sight words with "Hop on POPcorn" (I printed the blank popcorns from here.)

Yesterday, my friend Sarah had the most adorable golf-themed baby shower at the country club for her soon-to-be baby boy.

I had to leave early to go to a church meeting, but it was so nice to see friends and celebrate Sarah's baby!

I want to leave you with this new music video from Chris Tomlin, featuring Pat Barrett. I've mentioned my love for this song before, and this version is beautiful. This week, I find it very comforting.

We all have a picture of who we think God is. When we get down to the foundation of what we believe, the truth is that God is exactly who He says He is--- a good, good Father.

Enter here for a chance to meet Chris Tomlin this July in Chicago, NYC, LA, Denver, or Miami!

To buy "Good Good Father" on iTunes, follow this link.

Have a great weekend, everyone!

Follow our weekend happenings on IG @rachel.zimm